I feel like writing again.
But now I’m not sure about what.
I told myself I wouldn’t do something again, but I’m doing it again. How can I help it? When everything seems to make sense, then what do you do except to follow the path to its logical conclusion?
Cubs blew today. I blame myself for changing my Myspace picture and posting the entry I did last night. You’d think I would know better than to screw with the Baseball Gods. Dumb of me. I take full responsibility.
I want to know what’s going to happen in a year. Talking with Mallory about my wanting to visit other NL Central stadiums (particularly Busch for a Cards/Cubs game) really sort of turned my wheels that way. I seriously have no clue at all what’s going to happen in the next year. I could be anywhere from Arizona to Yonkers next year and I have no way of knowing where I’ll land in between.
I feel like I should be in a better mood. Not to say I’m in a bad mood, but I feel like I should be happier. Not sure why. Right now it just feels like I should be happier, and I’m not.
My friend Chelsea from work said she liked my haircut. Yay! I thought it was pretty darn good myself.
As one brilliant NSBB poster said, “This week has been a Cubs orgy.”
Bleh, I give Ellen a Brady Quinn jersey and that night she writes up a ridiculously long blog post about her boyfriend’s amazingness (and I still hate him).
You’d think 20-plus years of coming in 2nd (or 5th or 7th, as the case may be) would desensitize me to this sort of thing, but it doesn’t.
Ok, so I’m back to the drawing board again on women. Angela was asked on her Facebook wall about “the boy”, whoever that is, so I can reasonably assume she’s off the market. To boot, Ellen got back together with that guy I hate even though I’ve never met him (completely out of jealousy pretty much), so no matter how many stupid jerseys I buy her that’s probably not gonna change. Then again, I was
already at the drawing board…just now I have no plan to get off of
it. I’m growing less and less sure every day that I’m supposed to care
right now. It doesn’t seem like anyone in my life is an option right
now, which sucks.
But, hey…the Cubs are playing well (6 in a
row…a week and a half ago I wouldn’t have dreamed this possible), I’m
getting hours at work, I usually have plans when I’m not working, I
have a confidant (thanks Mallory ), and
overall, things are ok. Don’t cry for Andy.
This whole Angela situation has taught me one thing for sure. If I end up alone…it’s no one’s fault but my own for being too damn shy to pull the trigger.
Joy is a girl’s genuine smile being directed at you, and only you.
Joy is laughter.
Joy is Notre Dame Stadium right before kickoff.
Joy is walking around on a warm summer day.
Joy is a smiley face in an IM conversation.
Joy is receiving a compliment from someone you care about.
Joy is knowing that somebody cares.
Joy is a big hug.
Joy is knowing that a certain person is all you really want out of life.
Joy is feeling secure in yourself.
Joy is prayer.
Joy is being able to do anything within your power to help a friend, and to have them appreciate it.
I think I finally understand re: Ellen. Maybe. Although I’ll never know what she sees in that way-older jerk that she is dating for the 2nd time. Anyway, her jersey arrived yesterday, so I’ll give it to her when I see her next.
I’m getting sick of being here.