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Monthly Archives: February 2008

I have the silly feeling that good things are coming for me.

I think I know why.

A. Bob

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For the first time in a while, I really am not crushing on anyone. I have female friends who I think are cute, etc. but nothing serious. And yet part of me wishes I could be nuts about someone again.

I think I’m a masochist.

Not really. What it comes down to is I just want to remember what it’s like to have someone be attracted to me. Even if it was meaningless contact with some girl there’s no future with, I need me some lovin.

A. Bob

I want to go home. There’s no reason for me to be here anymore. I want my degree and then I just want to get the hell out.

21 years-plus and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. Yeah, I’ve gotten to do certain things at STUDENT journalistic outlets, but it hasn’t gotten me a thing in the real world. Yeah, I’ve made some friends, but how many of them can I really expect will still give a crap about me in five years…six or seven? Maybe? Yeah, I’ve done a few things, but it just isn’t leading me anywhere.

I’ve wasted so much of my life trying to care about so many other people.

A. Bob

I haven’t thought about Mallory in a while, really. Not that much, anyway.

I
wish she had never said anything. A week after we met, she had to go and say “if you lived in st. louis, I’d date you in a heartbeat.” When I thought there was nothing at
stake, I was perfectly content being her friend and just talking. A
lot. We had fun. It was great. But then she mucked it all up.

Now, I’m the one that feels that way, and she doesn’t anymore. Funny how no matter who starts it, no matter who’s the first person to step out on that limb, no matter how I’m originally feeling, it’s me who ends up like this…not knowing what the hell to do.

Something
about this stupid month…I don’t even think that it’s so much that
Valentine’s Day is in February…it’s just there’s not nearly as much
to distract me from things that bum me out in this month as opposed to
the others.

Well, I’m ok, really I am. I’m just thinking about what I once had and now wish I had back.

A. Bob

I have come to the realization that I will never be that important. No
matter how important you WANT to be, it doesn’t matter unless your
efforts are recognized or appreciated. And it’s not until you meet the
right person that this happens. That’s what a friend is – someone who
knows you care, notices, and appreciates it. And over the last few
years, I’ve figured that out. The real friends are the ones who care
and it’s probably just as important that they don’t mind if you care.
Even if it’s not wanted sometimes.

And if the other person doesn’t really give a shit how much you care…well, that’s not a friend. That’s someone who is using you. And using is not always that bad – if someone is using you for good conversation, for a consoling face, for advice, it’s not terrible. But it’s not a friend.

I think I think too much. But then again, times like that are what this blog was devised for.

A. Bob

It hurts like hell to help someone you like debate between two other guys. Somewhere down the line, this kind of karmically good deed has to come back and result in something good. Somewhere. Someday. Maybe.

I’m not holding my breath.

A. Bob

It’s so incredibly stupid that my heart jumped into my throat today when Ellen grabbed my hand for the Our Father at church. I don’t want to like her anymore, especially considering how infuriating it is when she brings up her stupid boyfriend twenty times per hour I see her.

(This, by the way, is something that annoys me no matter my level of interest in the girl – even if I find the idea of dating you nauseating, I still don’t want to hear yapping about your boyfriend all the time. If you need help with something involving that area, I’ll be glad to help, but don’t just talk about his life as if I’m supposed to care.)

Girls just aren’t something I’m good at.

A. Bob