It sort of makes me laugh how people block you on Facebook or Twitter or whatever and expect that to hurt. Or untag themselves in photos you posted. I don’t like having them there either in retrospect, but I find it incredibly, unbelievably pointless to pretend that nothing ever happened when we all know that it did.
The whole thing is stupid. I don’t like this. I don’t even want to care about someone who so clearly wants to be rid of me – and maybe always did. I just want to get on with things, find someone else quickly, and try and bring my happiness back.
Well, Amy dumped me today. Actually, she and her ‘mom’ and two ‘sisters’ dumped me. Quote marks because they’re not blood relatives. And right there is the problem (with her, not me – I know full well I have problems too) and the thing that hopefully she will fix. She needs to be able to do things and say things herself, not have other people speak for her because she lacks the guts to do it. And she’s freakishly close to people. It kind of throws me. I mean, I’m all for talking about people like siblings – Mark is like a brother to me, and Kim like a sister – but to flatly go around saying you’re a member of a family that you’re not a member of is borderline weird.
Anyway, what this means for me? A few things. It means that like everyone else, I have a little baggage now and I’m a little jaded towards the dating world. It means that I now am trying to get back into grad school now that I lack a reason to stay here. It means that I’m now going to, I think, be a little more brazen and a little less afraid when dealing with women. After all, for whatever her faults may be, Amy Spitaels is really, really freaking hot. And she wanted me. So I have now a little bit of reason to believe that I can get women that I want if things are right. It means that I’m going to make myself be more guarded the next time I date. Letting someone affect you this much in two months is probably not a particularly good plan and won’t lead to a healthy relationship, if you ask me.
I’m a little down, a little bummed, but ultimately things will be okay. It probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – the ridiculously fucked up dynamic going on with that group of people more or less guaranteed it. It’s not natural nor is it really something to be admired to be so protective that you corner your friend’s boyfriend along with her and essentially do 75 percent of the speaking for her. Hearts were in the right place perhaps, but actions were not.
New protected post is up. If anyone still reads this.
Tonight Amy told me that her mom (or was it her second mom…I can never tell which she means) showed our beach pictures to somebody else, telling the person only that we were together. The person responded, “You didn’t tell me they were in love!”
People can tell. I’m pretty transparent.
Closing in on six weeks since my and Amy’s first date.
But it doesn’t really matter anymore how long it’s been, because we both now know it’s forever.
Last Tuesday, desperate to see each other, we met at a Big Lots in between errands she was running. She had about 15 minutes. We talked a little and kissed a lot. When she left, waving at me, I decided. I want to marry this girl.
And I told her so a little later. She cried and cried and cried and told me that she’d been thinking about that since the day I told her I loved her, saying specifically that she felt like if I’d proposed, for whatever reason, right there, she’d have said yes.
She’s been in Chicago all weekend celebrating the 4th – since Thursday – and I have never missed someone so much in my entire life. She’s the one.