I’m in a seemingly impossible financial situation – all sorts of bills, my stipend is far less than I thought it was, and I’m having money stolen from me by the U.S. department of education, who decided today to ignore that my student loans are in deferment and to take 50 dollars out of my account anyway. Problem is, I had 38 cents. So now I have substantially less than 38 cents. I was already going to have to borrow more money from my mom – now it might have to be even more than I want to. Of course, as soon as I decided I wouldn’t get a part time job down here (which I couldn’t do anyway – I need to be around from 10 am to past 9 pm every Monday-Thursday and need to be able to see Amy) everything that could need fixing on my car decided it would blow up on me.
This is really rough on me. It’s driving me nuts.
It is really, really nice to have a reason to wake up every morning, a reason to smile when nothing’s happening, a reason to look forward to every evening, and a reason to try to be the best person you can be.
I have my reason, and I hope, pray and believe that it will always be there.
I love you, Amy.
I’m back in Muncie. I don’t really want to be. But I’m locked into the assistantship and the apartment for the next year, and in any case it’s a better situation than what mine was, so I don’t have much recourse but to give it my best.
Leaving Amy tonight was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I hated seeing that look in her eyes that seemed to be begging me not to go even though she knew I had to and didn’t actually tell me not to. This was the best weekend of my life, and she was the reason. I have never, not once, been as happy as I was with her all weekend.
Now I’m back, and I’ll live, because I’ll get to talk to her all the time and I’ll be busy enough that I won’t be able to concentrate on how much I miss her…but I still will.
9 days until I am back.
This weekend has been every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be. Being back with Amy, and getting a chance to actually feel like I’m doing boyfriend things with her again (I love talking on the phone with her but it’s just not quite the same), is just a wonderful feeling. Her new niece, Hope, is adorable. I felt closer to Amy than I ever have before when we spent Thursday night at her brother’s watching her other niece. It really felt like we were just comfortable with each other, with the situation, with everything. I don’t know if I’ve ever been quite so happy.
Notre Dame destroying Nevada to open the season did not hurt, either.