Monthly Archives: March 2010

What happens if/when I graduate here and have nothing? Honestly?

I really shouldn’t have re-upped for another year. Certainly not before I knew my assistantship status.


Yesterday was a good day for me, in terms of the families of important females in my life liking me. I’ll tell you the less important one first.

My mom texted me after singing at the Palm Sunday vigil at St. Pius to tell me about another conversation with Ellen’s older brother Jacob, who’s a seminarian and makes occasional appearances at good old St. Pius. I first met Jacob watching Ball State football at Ellen’s house in 2008 when they were undefeated and on ESPN throughout November. My interactions with him have been relatively sporadic at best, but like the rest of Ellen’s family, they seem to have taken to me anyway.

Anyhoo, my mom told me that Ellen (I’m assuming this is a while ago, considering she is now engaged to her boyfriend Sean) made a separate call to Jacob just to tell him that I approved of Sean, because she knew that would make him feel better about him. Which was really cool and very strange to hear at the same time. I met Sean for the first time watching Ball State’s bowl game at Ellen’s house and I remember telling her shortly thereafter that I liked Sean so I’m sure the alleged phone call happened shortly after that.

Considering the way Amy’s friends seem to feel about me, I can’t help but notice the odd dichotomy between having gotten Ellen’s family to love me without making any real effort to make it happen and the fact that Amy’s friends don’t seem to like me at all even though I’ve tried my ass off to make them like me. Goes to show, trying in personal interactions is generally a bad thing.

Anyway, the more important ‘her family likes me’ moment happened at Amy’s bakery when she was working there yesterday morning. Amy’s cousin Jessica has been dating a guy named Jesse (yeah I know, Jess and Jess…weird) for about 4 weeks short of forever, but for whatever reason they haven’t gotten engaged yet. Amy and her mom (who also works there) were talking about them putting off their engagement again, and her mom looked at her and said that she thought Amy and I would probably get married before them at this rate.

I think she was joking but that was awesome to hear. Because yeah, it’s probably going to happen eventually. Naturally, when my own mom heard this, she started talking about how I’m too young – even though this won’t happen for another couple of years at least, let alone the fact that Ellen and Ellen’s friend Claire are barely older than me and both will be married 10 months from now, and let alone the fact that when my mom was my current age she was not only married but 8 months pregnant with me.

What was ever wrong with being married young anyway? If you found the right person, why wouldn’t you marry them? And I feel like I found the right person – the big complaint with being married young is that you can’t do all the things that young people are ‘supposed’ to be doing. Well, pardon me, but I’m not all that interested in doing what most young people do. I’m as big a fan as anyone as going out and having some drinks with friends once in a while and watching the game with buddies, but the thing is, I CAN DO THESE THINGS and still be with Amy. That’s part of what makes her so wonderful. And the ‘other’ things young people do – date indiscriminately, namely – don’t intrigue me at all. I’m ready to start my life. I don’t want to be 55-60 years old when my kids go to college. When my kids leave the nest I still want to be young enough to enjoy life. I’ve always wanted to get married at a relatively young age, and have kids by 30. I can’t even express how lucky I feel to be with someone that makes me want to do all of those things.

A. Bob

My GA contract won’t be renewed. So essentially I got fired.

Not unexpected – I was given virtually no tasks by any of my supervisors. Everything in our office could presumably be done by half the people.

But this creates a huge problem, because I can’t continue here without a GAship. I refuse to build up that sort of debt – and tuition here without a GAship is upwards of $5,000 a semester.

I was told that I may be able to get a GAship in a different department – sports information is one department that was mentioned to me that would be utterly perfect – but I know better than to expect good things.

I have a one-year lease that I just renewed a month ago. If I don’t come back, who am I going to get to sub-lease it? I have no idea. What happens to my employment? Well, I got an e-mail just today from about insurance sales – which would be horrifying, but if no one else will hire me…

I don’t know what to request from anyone. I just hope whatever happens is supposed to happen and is for the greater good.

A. Bob

P.S. Happy 9 months, Amy. I love you!!

It has been a great spring break. I want more of it, please. I’m not looking forward to reality beckoning.

I am almost certainly not going to get any internship. So far I have heard back from 1 of the teens of internships I applied for and it was an automated ‘thanks, but you suck’ e-mail. I even followed up with the Truth like a good boy, and they haven’t responded. The Chicago office of a P.R. company that is run by a BSU alum normally does an internship, but signs indicate that they won’t this time (of course). I have yet to see how I remain the least marketable employment applicant ever to be born into this world, but it’s still a fact. No one will hire me – no one will even give me a chance except for unpaid bitch-work internships that are probably thrilled whenever they actually get an applicant. Luckily, John’s ex-boss told him that she’d be happy to bring me back for the summer if I can’t get another job – which, given my other options, would probably be the best one. John’s not going to be there anymore, as he got promoted to be GM of the Benton Harbor store.

Of course, going back there for the summer will napalm any chances of getting a real job upon graduation, but it seems like the chances of that are virtually nil anyway – especially now that my relationship with Amy means that I am going to be aiming to stay around here after graduation, because I won’t do distance any longer than I must. All of this means that my employment options will be limited to what is within about a 30-minute radius of here, and I doubt much of that is desirable.

Basically, I don’t know what is going to happen in the next 13 months but I fear not a lot of it is going to be good.

A. Bob

So I got my first e-mail on my newspaper account from a reader ever tonight, after nearly two full basketball seasons working for the paper.

And it was from the mom of a player on Lakeland’s girls team, upset at me for my lead to an article about the team losing 60-23 a few weeks ago, in which I called Lakeland ‘a team without a point guard’ since their starting point guard had been injured. She called the article an example of how not to write, so essentially I was told I suck at my job.

I wrote her back – probably shouldn’t have – with a fairly reasoned response. I felt like I should explain myself a little.

It’s more than a little depressing to get e-mails from people telling you that you suck at your job. I got them when I was at WCRD, I got them when I wrote columns at the DN and I’m getting them now. I’d like to think I’m a good writer. But I don’t know.

A. Bob