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Monthly Archives: May 2010

The song “Two is Better than One” came on tonight at work and it reminded me how damn lucky I am to have found the person I want to spend life with.

Today is 11 months. I love you, Amy.

If I feel bad about myself now, just wait until 3 years down the road when I’m still worthless and all my college-aged friends are not only holding down jobs but getting promoted.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

I don’t know where I went wrong.

I don’t know why I’m supposed to be able to use the economy as an excuse to hide behind when all my college friends are succeeding. (As if to rub it in, Rick, a guy I went to school with, was hired this week to work for Army’s athletic department. He’s doing what I want to do without studying it or working in it at all in college.)

I don’t know how I’m supposed to believe that things will turn around.

I don’t know what prevents me from making Amy feel better – she constantly has to talk me through that issue because I simply can’t feel better about it.

I don’t know what the hell I’m still doing at home when I don’t want to be here.

I don’t know why Ball State did what they did to me, leaving me in limbo all summer.

I don’t know why I’m being scheduled for 2nd shifts at work when I’m a 3rd shift worker and hate 2nd shifts.

I don’t know where I can apply to work that will give me the same hours all the time.

I don’t know where I can apply to work that will pay me enough that I can live by myself and not constantly be at risk of financial ruin if anything out of the ordinary happens.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do, where I’m gonna be or how I’m gonna get there.

I just don’t know.

A. Bob

Maybe I just don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. P.R. isn’t grabbing me anyway.

Then again, when I was working at a newspaper, it felt right. It felt like I belonged. It felt like I knew what I was doing. Maybe I was just born 20 years too late.

Back to Granger on Saturday. Hoping I won’t be back here. Please pray I can find someone to take my apartment.

A. Bob

Ball State is pissing me off. I followed up twice on an assistantship application for next year, only hearing back that I’d hear something this week. Today I got an e-mail that they filled the position.

Look, d-bags, if you’re not going to interview me, then tell me so. Don’t lead me on with that garbage and hang me out to dry. After my (essentially) firing for unknown reasons, this is not what I wanted. It’s crap like this that makes me really not want to give that school money – over $6,000 worth – effectively rewarding them for this dirtbag treatment they’re giving me. Especially when I have less than no reason to believe that achieving this degree will get me where I want to go anyway.

A. Bob