Monthly Archives: June 2010

This was supposed to be a good occasion, and it is. But it brings back bitter feelings.

It looks like I am going to get out of my apartment lease. Out of nowhere, someone who originally leased a 4BR/2BA apartment decided they wanted to switch to a 4BR/4BA. As luck would have it, I was the person that came up as having one available. So because of this it looks very likely that I will get out of my lease and will not be returning to Muncie this fall.

I had to consider this possibility because Ball State took away my graduate assistantship at the end of last year, and made no effort whatsoever to help me get another one. Their prickish behavior perhaps as much as anything else motivated me to get out of my lease so that I wouldn’t be forced to give them money, effectively as a reward for their being dicks to me. I of course didn’t want to nearly double my student loan debt just to live essentially in poverty for another year, as well as further strain myself and Amy’s relationship (past 1 year now) by forcing it to be long-distance again. I would much rather hide out up here and continue what I’m doing while hunting for a full-time job. It helps that I’ve found a dirt-cheap apartment complex right next to Movies 14 that would enable me to live by myself (or with a roommate) and actually be able to afford it. (John still is interested in having me move in, but I don’t think that would be a good situation for me – he and Jane are halfway dating and have a dramatic relationship, and John seems like someone whose relationship with me would be damaged by being my roommate.)

It would make me feel better about this if everyone unanimously agreed with me on it, but clumps of my family definitely don’t – my mom wants me to get my degree even though I don’t think it would get me anywhere, and I’m sure that my grandparents would agree with her. But this feels like the right thing to do now. And that’s the way I’m going.

A. Bob


Would my life be different – better – if I weren’t Catholic?

If I didn’t believe in a religion that essentially tells you that the worse off you are down here, the better off you will be up there, would my life down here be better? Would I have a job? None of the friends who have achieved job offers – graduating two years AFTER I did, they all achieved them well before I ever will – are practicing religious people that I know of. Would I be better off down here without being religious?

These are the stupid things I try to tell myself when I’m down about the state of my professional life. I try to come up with asinine defenses of these positions that make no sense to begin with. Maybe I don’t have a good job because I just flat-out haven’t earned one. I don’t know. I don’t feel like that’s true, but maybe it is. It’s as good an explanation as any right now.

A. Bob