Job stuff is muddling my mind lately. It seems impossible that there are like a billion jobs out there, ones I didn’t even know existed, yet there’s not one for me. It is frustrating.
Amy made me feel a touch better about things when I said that I’m starting to feel the same way about my job situation as I once did about my girlfriend situation. I once wondered whether a girl would ever date me if I hadn’t had a girlfriend before at age 22. Now I wonder if anyone will ever hire me if I haven’t had a real job before, at age 24. It is true that it worked out well for me on the first front, and Amy noted that. It made me feel a little bit better.
Still, I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know where to go. I don’t know where to apply. I don’t know what to apply to do. There’s got to be some stuff out there I’m qualified to do that would fit the profile of the job I want – regular hours, first shift, benefits, and livable income. I just don’t know where to find it. Maybe that place is not here. I’ve joked a couple of times about just going to Canada and trying to start over. That’s not probably going to happen, but it’s a sign of how desperate I am for a life and how much I will do to get one.
Amy has said she will go wherever I go. I’m beginning to wonder if that’s going to end up being the other way around. She doesn’t know what she wants to do, but I’m sure she can figure it out, go to school and get prepped for a good job. Me, I don’t know what is going to happen. I have the bad feeling that I will just end up trying to finish at Ball State just because nothing else seems to be happening in the meantime. All I’ve got on the reporting front is my freelance assignments for the News-Sun, and I’m feeling less and less liked there of late. Try as I might, I can’t find a newspaper willing to reply to me for a sportswriting job, even those that I fit the profile for. Because no newspaper can afford (or at least will pay) for a non-local candidate to come in and interview, it almost seems like I’m disbarred from any jobs outside this area. I like the Midwest, but there don’t seem to be any jobs here.
I don’t know what to do, I just wish I did. I want to provide for Amy so we can have a family and have one the right way someday. I try so hard to keep my hopes up, but nights like tonight it just seems hard to do.