I am not sure I’ve ever been as annoyed at Mark as I am today. Not because of anything he did today, but because of something he feels, and because of something he completely does not understand.

Just got told today that Mark’s being butt-hurt about not being my best man apparently went even deeper than I thought – he actually complained to his own mom about it. And his mom, for some reason I can’t comprehend, decided to talk to MY mom about it.

There are a slew of questions I have about this, and I think the biggest one is why he would possibly think this was such a big deal. If he had any idea of how people in the world handle their relationships, he’d understand why I chose to go with John as my best man over him. For one thing, John is just as much my best friend as Mark is. I have known him nearly as long, he got me my IHOP job, and he has been there for all the important moments of me and Amy, including and most importantly when he was there for the beginning. I talked to John about my relationship with Amy before I talked with anyone else about it.

The more obvious reason is that JOHN ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO GET MARRIED. Not one time has Mark expressed any kind of happiness or even satisfaction that Amy and I are going to get married. Not so much as a ‘like’ on Facebook when the engagement occurred. All he has ever discussed on the topic is worry that once I’m married I won’t be able to do stuff with Brooks and him anymore – as if the loss of pointless videogaming and the occasional sporting event would be such an incredible departure from my life. And to that point, he actually believed that Amy made me choose John over him. The guy is totally and completely clueless.

John, meanwhile, took the time to get to know Amy. While all Mark wanted to do is avoid her in our apartment as much as possible, John talked to her. Joked with her all the time. Now hugs her every time he sees her. He sees how happy I am with her. He gives my penis pep talks to persuade ‘it’ to sleep with her, for crying out loud. All Mark and Brooks do is think she controls me and lament how I never get to do anything with them anymore – all the while, I am doing more with friends than I ever have before, between occasional Bleachers trips with co-workers and watching Bulls playoff games with Brooks and the crew. The irony that Mark hasn’t been there for either of the two East Finals games so he can get to work on time, or that he is consistently wasting his time online gaming on his PlayStation or sleeping more than anyone I have ever known, is apparently lost on all involved.

This is all not to say that I dislike Mark now or anything. He’ll always be my longest-lasting friend, the person who was most responsible for keeping me from misery between the beginning of middle school and the end of high school. My goal is to continue hanging out with him for sports functions as well as organizing annual Cubs Trips with him – since he’s the only other person besides me who likes going and doesn’t see them as a big waste of money. But he just doesn’t get this.

It’s not that surprising that he doesn’t, either, I suppose. Neither Mark nor Brooks have ever been in an adult relationship. Neither have even dated in five years. I’m pretty sure neither have tried. Both are content just living their guy’s lives, gaming, watching sports and never getting close with anyone, really. There’s nothing wrong with it either. I was pretty much doing the same thing until I was fortunate enough to meet Amy and my life changed forever for the better.

I don’t have a problem with Mark living the life he’s chosen. Just don’t get all hurt when the life you choose leads to my picking someone else, someone who actually supports my getting married and is excited about it, to be my best man. After all, being best man at a wedding isn’t just about being friends with the groom. It has everything to do with the relationship with BOTH halves of the couple. And in that department, John is far and away better than any guy in my life.

A. Bob


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