Here’s what I don’t understand. (This is regarding the ‘announcement’ of a 14-year-old who stars on Girl Meets World that she is a self-described ‘queer’.)

If you say you’re ‘queer’, but you also add that you’ve only ever liked boys and that you are just ‘open to liking either in the future’…how is that not making a choice? You even say yourself that you’ve only ever liked boys. Isn’t that your answer?

It’s something I’ve never understood about the belief we’re all supposed to have that one’s sexual preference isn’t their choice – that they’re born that way. If you are so obviously gay that you were born that way – that not having sex with someone of the same gender is so anathema to everything about you that it’s impossible to even conceive of – then why do people ‘switch teams’ so often? How are people even able to pretend to be straight then? How is it that people who later come out can have sexual relationships with someone of the opposite gender?

My opinion is that you are what your actions say you are – not what your words say. If I said I was a good person and wasn’t (and I have some experience with this – this blog’s archive is proof), then you wouldn’t think I was a good person. Because I’d proven myself not to be.

By the same token, in my opinion (I’m not a scientist or a sociologist), you aren’t gay, straight, or anything else until you’ve taken actions toward that end. Namely, I guess, until you’ve dated people and (I suppose) done things of a sexual nature with them. (Not necessarily sex, because if you’re strange like me, you don’t think that’s something you do until you’re sure you’re spending the rest of your life with someone.) A nine-year-old can say they’re gay, but what does that mean? He or she hasn’t actually done anything yet. They almost certainly haven’t even had feelings of that nature yet. How can they know?

Perhaps the reason I’m so thrown off by this, or a reason anyway, is that there was a time in my life when I could have, I guess you could say, gone either way. Around eighth grade, I had, for lack of a better word, stirrings of that possibility. But I never acted on them. I’m not sure to what extent I even knew that it was ‘wrong’, but I knew that I didn’t really want that. And so I never acted on them, and I guess they went away, because I don’t have those stirrings anymore. If that had happened now, Lord forbid I have told anyone about them because they would have labeled it and encouraged me to explore it and all this other crap.

I just feel like we’re crossing way too far into a zone we shouldn’t be in if 14-year-olds are labeling themselves. The funny thing is while this girl labeled herself, she basically said she didn’t want to label herself and wanted to live life and see what happens. That last part is what we should encourage kids to do – but in the process, she put herself in a group that there’s no evidence she should be in. It annoys me, and I can’t really explain why.

I guess I liked life a lot better before we were constantly having to deal with this kind of thing.

A. Bob


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