The idea of not believing in God is extremely depressing. Like, even if I didn’t objectively think there was a God (and I do), I’d probably still choose to believe in one anyway. What’s the alternative? Believe this is it? Believe that these 70 or so years out of the entire existence of planet Earth is all you get, and then you’re worm food for the rest of time? Pardon my French, but that’s fucking depressing. If that’s actually true, I’d really rather not know about it.

I do legitimately think there’s a God, though. There’s no ‘hard’ evidence of it, true. But any God worth believing in wouldn’t want everyone to know He existed, in my opinion. He’d leave it open to belief. It means more when people believe because they believe than it does if they believe it because they experienced a real-life “Heaven Is For Real” moment.

Unfortunately, because there’s no ‘hard’ evidence of it, you get people like Ricky Gervais and Neil deGrasse Tyson and 8,000 random yahoos in Facebook arguments about Planned Parenthood or LGBT rights who want to make sure you know how much better they think they are because they don’t believe in God, or as they always refer to Him, “fairy tales”, “unicorns”, or whatever pejorative fantasy term they have on their tongue at the time. I often wonder what the endgame is for people like that — if they’re actually excited about the prospect that as soon as they die, that’s the end of them being aware of anything. Eternal nothingness for billions of years. I dunno, if I actually believed in that, I don’t know that I’d be so fired up to shove it in the face of anyone who didn’t.

I long since gave up on the idea we’ll get to a place where people do believe. A large portion of society is content to make the subject taboo. The Bible often says you’re supposed to proselytize, spread the Word, and the reason I don’t really is mostly just because people don’t want to hear it. Everyone in my life is intelligent enough to know about God and what He represents (I think), and they don’t need me to tell them. Being a white straight Christian male has become, if not an outright bad thing, certainly not something to celebrate, and no one really wants to hear what any of us think about anything, least of all God.

(Did I forget to use the word ‘cis’ in my description of myself? Oh, wait, that’s right. Words that were made up about 99.7% of the population to make 0.3% of the population feel normal are fucking stupid. That’s why I didn’t use it. Never mind.)

Anyway, I don’t know really what the point was of my writing this. I’m just bored at work and have had this topic bouncing around the back of my head for quite a while — thought I’d get it out.

A. Bob

Here’s what I don’t understand. (This is regarding the ‘announcement’ of a 14-year-old who stars on Girl Meets World that she is a self-described ‘queer’.)

If you say you’re ‘queer’, but you also add that you’ve only ever liked boys and that you are just ‘open to liking either in the future’…how is that not making a choice? You even say yourself that you’ve only ever liked boys. Isn’t that your answer?

It’s something I’ve never understood about the belief we’re all supposed to have that one’s sexual preference isn’t their choice – that they’re born that way. If you are so obviously gay that you were born that way – that not having sex with someone of the same gender is so anathema to everything about you that it’s impossible to even conceive of – then why do people ‘switch teams’ so often? How are people even able to pretend to be straight then? How is it that people who later come out can have sexual relationships with someone of the opposite gender?

My opinion is that you are what your actions say you are – not what your words say. If I said I was a good person and wasn’t (and I have some experience with this – this blog’s archive is proof), then you wouldn’t think I was a good person. Because I’d proven myself not to be.

By the same token, in my opinion (I’m not a scientist or a sociologist), you aren’t gay, straight, or anything else until you’ve taken actions toward that end. Namely, I guess, until you’ve dated people and (I suppose) done things of a sexual nature with them. (Not necessarily sex, because if you’re strange like me, you don’t think that’s something you do until you’re sure you’re spending the rest of your life with someone.) A nine-year-old can say they’re gay, but what does that mean? He or she hasn’t actually done anything yet. They almost certainly haven’t even had feelings of that nature yet. How can they know?

Perhaps the reason I’m so thrown off by this, or a reason anyway, is that there was a time in my life when I could have, I guess you could say, gone either way. Around eighth grade, I had, for lack of a better word, stirrings of that possibility. But I never acted on them. I’m not sure to what extent I even knew that it was ‘wrong’, but I knew that I didn’t really want that. And so I never acted on them, and I guess they went away, because I don’t have those stirrings anymore. If that had happened now, Lord forbid I have told anyone about them because they would have labeled it and encouraged me to explore it and all this other crap.

I just feel like we’re crossing way too far into a zone we shouldn’t be in if 14-year-olds are labeling themselves. The funny thing is while this girl labeled herself, she basically said she didn’t want to label herself and wanted to live life and see what happens. That last part is what we should encourage kids to do – but in the process, she put herself in a group that there’s no evidence she should be in. It annoys me, and I can’t really explain why.

I guess I liked life a lot better before we were constantly having to deal with this kind of thing.

A. Bob

It’s been a long time since I wrote. Over a year. Lately, I’ve been using a 0-following Twitter account to unload whatever stupid garbage I want to say about dumb topics. I should be doing it here, it makes more sense.

I don’t really have much of substance to say but I’m going to type anyway. Today, the Supreme Court said same-sex marriage is legal in the U.S., which is something that would’ve pissed me off when I first started this blog (back when it was a Xanga), but today I don’t care much about. After all, the only reason to ban gay marriage is for religious reasons, and we’re not supposed to have laws for religious reasons. So if the government is going to be in the business of defining marriage, it shouldn’t be defined in a religious way.

I’m a little annoyed that supporters have used this as yet another excuse to blast people who disagree with it (celebrating something is never enough anymore, in any walk of life; we have to attack the ‘losers’), but some of the dissenters are saying some dumb crap, so whatever.

I’m more annoyed that Obamacare continues to be legal, the health-insurance system that as far as I can tell is some sort of bridge between what existed before and going full Canada, with the result that it’s worse than either. Lines the pockets of health insurance companies (a CNN article said stock for such companies went up yesterday after the SCOTUS ruled it was still legal) while forcing people who already didn’t have the money for health insurance to pay too much for it. As a general rule, any law that results in the stock going up for insurance companies, the biggest crooks on the planet, I think is a bad law. If you’re going to force health insurance on people, just make it a payroll tax and be done with it. But of course, that would put health insurance companies out of work from their current jobs scamming people, so we can’t do that. I guess not to mention the fact that if it WAS a payroll tax, no one would be able to afford anything anymore.

I used to be political, but that was stupid. The political party system in this country is broken. Because I’m a lunatic, my favorite analogue for the current situation is the Duke/UNC rivalry. I’ve always sided more with Duke because everything UNC fans claim to hate about Duke, about 85-90% of it applies to UNC as well. (Lately, it might be more like 110%, given that UNC proved recently to be a historically corrupt institution athletically.)

It’s pretty much the same thing in politics. The Republicans are probably the worse of the two, but 85-90% of the crap everyone hates about Republicans pretty much applies to Democrats as well – they just market themselves better. It helps that they’ve got media and talk-show hosts basically pre-conditioning people to react negatively to anything a Republican says or does by highlighting the dumbest of them. I voted for Libertarian Gary Johnson in 2012, and unless something drastically changes I’ll probably be going off the board next November too. The media has already collectively anointed Hillary Clinton, and she’ll be no different than any of the others – in the pocket of the people who buy her loyalties. They’ll get all the support from the media and from younger people because they’re for gay marriage and Obamacare, the former of which should be a point of fact, not a political issue, and the latter of which people need to realize isn’t helping anyone except insurance companies.

We bought a house in December, and I love the place. It’s got some things I want to change, but for what we were able to pay, I seriously doubt we could have done better than we did. Our monthly payment shot up a couple of months ago because of an ‘escrow shortage’, which strikes me as a load of crap, but it’s supposed to come back down next year, so once that happens we should be able to do a few things if we want. That’ll be nice.

Amy and I have been trying to have a baby since moving into the house, and it hasn’t happened yet. Without going into too many details, I worry that it’s my fault, that my body isn’t cooperating. I’m about to go full ‘Marshall vs. The Machines’ if something doesn’t click there soon. I want to be a father more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. We went down to Mishawaka for my niece Gracie’s second birthday party last weekend, and I could scarcely adore those nieces and nephews of mine more if they were my own children. Gracie and Hope especially seem like really special kids to me, with bubbling personalities and in Hope’s case a great wit about her. I can’t wait to see them grow up, and it makes me ache to have a child to watch grow up myself. I really hope it works out soon because I don’t want to have to worry that it’s not going to happen.

Anyway, that’s about all I have. Just wanted to get some stuff into the void. I should be working right now, so I’m going to get back to it.

A. Bob

Aug. 2013: I buy an elliptical with the intent of losing weight. After about two months of use, it breaks. We try to get replacement parts sent to us, and each time we do, there’s a new reason why the elliptical wouldn’t work. Ultimately, gave up.

Mar. 2014: I buy another elliptical, in utter desperation to lose weight due to my ballooning even further past my already-fat weight. After less than a month of use, it breaks. We get replacement parts. After two weeks, it breaks.

This coming after my ability to run was taken away by shin splints, my ability to stay fit any other way was taken away by us not having $100/month to join a gym, and now this.

I don’t know why God wants me to be fat. Apparently He does. I can only assume this because every single possible avenue I had to stay fit has been taken away from me.

Someday I’ll get some answers.

I probably (check that, definitely) shouldn’t care what other women do with their lives, not since I became a happily married man – after all, what they do doesn’t concern me anymore, if it ever did.

But holy shit, some women are so annoying in their choices. Putting up with being screwed over — twice — and letting the guy come back for more. From the outside looking in, without being there, it just seems like that choice was made because said guy makes a lot of money and can take her to do all sorts of expensive stuff. I know that’s probably not what it is — online posts can only tell so much of the story — but it just makes me angry. Being married is the greatest thing of all time, but it’s not a memory-eraser. I can still remember my life for the 22.5 years before I met Amy. And my inner loser is really pissed on behalf of any really great guys there are who will probably never get a chance to be with her because she wouldn’t cast that chump aside as he deserved to be after screw-up no. 2.

As for the other woman driving this sub-entry, I know even less about her, but I can only assume there’s a really good reason to date someone old enough to be your parent, who has children of his own, and isn’t a particularly handsome gentleman. I can only assume.

The only thing I know is that, while women are probably as a whole smarter than men, there’s no way in hell they’re smarter when it comes to romantic decisions. Because I’ve never met a great girl who didn’t meet a great guy beyond, like, age 22. Guys are smart and snap up good girls. But too many girls seem content to just grab whoever’s there and the hell if it makes sense.

This is a weird way to break up a long gap between posts, but I didn’t have anywhere else to put this, so there you are.

I’ll update my life later. (I can’t believe anyone actually reads this because I never publicized its existence after moving it here from Xanga…but I’ll do it anyway.)

A. Bob

Going to be another long fantasy sports season as once again my team is clearly garbage. Through a week, last place. And since everyone I try to talk to about the league is making a point of ignoring me, I guess I’ll get it out here where no one reads it and no one will ignore.

I freaking hate fantasy sports sometimes. Such a waste and I never get anything out of it. Even though I clearly was doing the right thing based on Brooks bidding on every single player I wanted, my team is going to be hot shit. So yay.